Tuesday, November 29, 2005

11.29 - IHOP

"I loooove butter!!"

-said by a girl emptying the entire butter cup contents on one pancake. The pancake had so much butter it looked like a bagle with cream cheese on it, then came the syrup.

Monday, November 28, 2005

11.28- at my house

"You make me feel like a man who was a woman"

-what my friend Jeff thought the song lyric "you make me feel like a natural woman" said

"This is like in the top 5 times we could have been mistaken for lesbians"

-my wife commenting on about all of the things that happened in picking up Nicole from getting her wisdom teeth removed

"It tastes like ass mixed with tire rubber"

-nicole's opinion on a certain medicine when ingested in liquid form

ps. it was a good day at the quote farm

11.27- Johnny Carinos

"I think they deported them to Iraq to fight Americans"

-Jeff Jordan's thoughts on what the French did to put an end to the Muslim youth uprisings in France.

11.26- Thanksgiving

"He didn't break the skin, it's wet because of his slobber."

-Gloria Furman upon being bitten on her upper thigh by her in-laws' husky, Klondike

"are your pants ok? Those are hot pants!"

-Dave, her husband, upon seeing the same situation going down. His true concern comes out.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

11.24 -more thanksgiving

"Another conversation you will never hear at my house"

-Amber upon hearing this normal family conversation:

me: "it smells like piss."
mom: "what smells like piss?"
my sister: "what?... something smells like anus?"

11.24- thanksgiving with family

"You know, you've really been going downhill lately. You're already at the bottom of the hill of love, now you are sliding down the hill of like"

-my grandmother expressing her frustration with me

"my grandmas are coming over"

-my sister's boyfriend responding to who is coming to thanksgiving. the grandmas are two ladies who have lived together for as long as he could remember.

"I guess it was two years ago"

-my sister's 20yr old boyfriend on when he noticed it was strange that he had two "grandmothers" on one side of the family.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

11.22- class

"What is wedgie"

-asked by a non-native english speaker to my prof who was using the word to explain an aspect of the "dg" sound. He then said "wedge" works too. She proceeded to ask around the room what a wedgie was in a strong accent, too funny for words.

"Dictionaries are ABSOULTELY flawed!"

-my professor responding to someone saying with authority, "I looked it up in the dictionary."

Monday, November 21, 2005

11.21- King of the Hill

"You have not made Christianity better, you have only made Rock-n-Roll worse"

-King of the Hill on the Christian rock, tatoo, peircings for Jesus subculture.

11.19- At the movies

"You can't out gay me"

-a responce from my buddy as I was trying to weird him out by touching his leg during a movie. ps. He is not gay

Friday, November 18, 2005

11.17- office

"I kicked him in the penis"

-responded a student when asked what she did to defend herself when a guy she just met tried to "pants" her.

see also post from 11.15 to see why this is funny

Thursday, November 17, 2005

11.17- around campus

"Is it an Italian food?"
"It sounds Mexican"
"Is it a fruit?"
"Does it have something to do with death?"
"Is it a name for Marijuana?"

-all answers to the question "What is Mauritania" that I asked to 50 people around UNT. Only 6 knew that it was a country in NW Africa.

11.17- coffee shop interview

"You gotta wow 'um...I mean first you gotta wow 'um"

-a complete stranger who butted in and answered the question, "how are you going to gain the respect of 25 sixteen year olds?" that we were asking a potental RA candidate while we were in an interview at a coffee shop.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

11.16- around here

"I been pimpin' crackers for years"

-a student on why they thought they could succeed at the 13 crackers at once challenge.

"I pulled a back muscle in the shower"

-a friend commenting that the seriousness of his sneezing is how he realized he was allergic to the shampoo he was using.

11.15- Hurt

"He wuz injur'd, He wuz injur'd baayad"

-heard constantly as I showed this clip to everyone I knew yesterday.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

11.15- at greenhouse

"I think the term is Bling-Bling"

-Overheard at the Greeen House by a seventy year old lady wearing a huge red hat, like rich philanthropy-style hat.

11.14- submission from Connor

"But the problem wasn't the maggots."

- One of Connor's roommates as he was describing a bit of trail mix he had eaten that was a little too old.

"Just that time."

-Connor responded to me questioning if his roommate really ate trailmix with maggots in it.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

11.13- after the Emcee gig

"Do you really think he is fat?"

-a parent questioning Gloria after her repeated "fat" jokes about me during our Emcee gig last night.

Friday, November 11, 2005

11.11- in the office planning the MC gig

"Some people take NASCAR really seriously...kind of like ethnicity"

-Gloria's caution on some possibly not funny jokes.

"Your thumbs are too fat"

-A student's responce to Gloria asking what models say to each other.

11.11- in the car

"Brother Piper does have a point there."

-in responce to John Piper saying the difficulty in scripture memory is in our misplaced motivations. Piper said, "What if I told you I would give you $1000 for every verse you memorized this week, how many could you memorize?"

Thursday, November 10, 2005

11.10- suprise find

Dear terrorists,
You are BORING. No one likes you. Go back to your caves, log on to the Internet and find yourself a GIRLFRIEND. Blowing yourself up is ANTI-SOCIAL behaviour.

-a letter to terrorists from an austrailian girl living in eygpt I found by mistake.

11.10- in the office

"its just that I am learning to work with people who are not intrinsicly fun"

-defending myself on why I am the "slacker, attention-seeker" that Gloria percieves me to be

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

11.8- Linguistics

"Some infinities are bigger than other infinites"

"Language has nothing to do with communication"

"Language exists. It just is. It is here whether or not people were here or whether minds exist or not."
-Realist Linguistics on the nature of language

-all things I am paying lots of money to learn...pretty deep-n-stuff

11.9- Travisty

"Are you freaking kidding me? did you just say that?"

-Me, as I was discussing how horrible it was that people were ruining the end of Harry Potter 6, the people I was talking to accidentally told me the end.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

11.8- Diamonds are forever

"I don't think I like that either"

-Connor Berry in responce to me telling him that he was the Diamond in the ring of our front desk.

Monday, November 07, 2005

this weekend

"I would replace the airbag with a jack-n-tha-box and a cream pie"

-Jeff Jordon on discussing some good pranks to pull.

this weekend

"Do you always let someone else lead?"

-Jeff Jordan asking a missionary to Sarievjo, Bosnia about hiking in the mountians where landmines are still a problem.

This weekend

"I traded Blacks"

-Nicole when asked why Amber Black was gone and some how she had picked up Brady Black

Friday, November 04, 2005

11.4- Friends house

"Let me go on record saying that I hate the '20s (1920s). It is as if everyone said lets stop being serious and be silly forever. I would have rather lived during the Depression"

-My friend on his dislike of non-serious things

11.3.05- office II

"I don't understand gum. You just chew it. I'm a non-conformist of gum"

-Responce to offering someone some gum

11.3.05- in my office

"I like Dr. Pepper, but I drink strawberry FANTA when I want to pamper myself"

-a staff member said when responding to a question about his Dr. Pepper shirt.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

11.3- Central staff

"I don't care if they harness a pelican and fly to Kilamanjaro"

-said a girl who was frustrated about the constant questions on how to judge a group activity.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

11.2 -Our House

"Tell them hello for me, that I miss them, and that if the need any info on the future perfect progressive, I'm their huckleberry"

-brady leaving for his grammar test as I leave for reading group

11.2- RHA meeting

"I'm you"

-Carol Stewart responding to me asking her what she was dressed up as. She was wearing sandals, cargo pants, and her hair was in a Samuri Bun.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

10.31- at Art 6

"You look like a dirty Hermione Granger."

-spoken to the girl behind me at Art 6 who looked like a cross between Hermione Granger and Britney Spears in her dirty school girl stage.