Monday, July 31, 2006

7.31- my office

"you're a deep interesting dude"

-in a disbelieving tone, a TAMS student's surprised comment as he was leaving my office after a hour or so of having an apparently "deep and interesting" conversation.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

7.28- training

"Wer not sitting here uh ripe plum with everyone wantun'a take a bite"

-one of my many bosses communicating in his crystal clear east texas way that there is competition in our business and we shouldn't take our position for granted, I think.

7.26- Bakery

"but my cows don't eat beach"

-the gruff rancher infront of me responding to a chipper sunny cashier trying to help him look on the bright side of the hot dry summer we are having by telling him that if he thought of his dry dusty ranch like a beach things might be better.

7.25- Gloria's

"Are any of your uncles the "tickly" kind?"

-A friend of Gloria's trying to find out if she is the only one.


"Please don't use U-scan, if you can't scan"

-Amber flexing her poetic assonance and alliteration amidst her angst towards an incompetent self-check-outer.

ps. best if said outloud fast

Friday, July 21, 2006

7.21- Shalaun's wedding

"I don't know. I just follow the offensive linemen"

-Benji answering my question "where are you going?", with quality running back advice as he was the only under 265 lb groom's men at Shalaun's wedding.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

7.19 my house

"it's because they're pissed off, and always wear fur"

-Jade elaborating on the finer points of international comparative economics after hearing that Moscow recently was recognized as being the most expensive city in the world to live in.

7.19- Friend's house

"It was either heroin or sex ...I picked heroin"

-Nate on being forced to choose between two objectionable movies for a school project.
a. Mary Full of Grace (about heroin smuggleing)
b. Y Tu Mama Tabien (containing explicit sex scenes)

Monday, July 17, 2006

7.17- Brian's Office

"I wish our Dongles were Hot Swappable"

-Brian's co-worker, fluent in IT jargon, presenting a supplication to the IT gods.
But to the uninformed it just sounds really funny when said outloud a couple times.

What is a Dongle?
What is Hot Swappable?

Friday, July 14, 2006

7.14- Kevin's house

"you too"

-Kevin, misunderstanding very foundational female communication rules, responding to his wife saying that she loves that he "has been thickening up", ie: gaining weight.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

7.13- Amber's staff meeting

"Amber you'll're a feminist"

-Jono looking to Amber to help him remember the word "equality".

Happy Birthday
The Quote Farm

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

7.12- front desk

"I got a green card beeeotches!!!!"

-repeatedly announced by a TAMS student celebrating his new country crib as he ran through the lobby wit all hiz homiez. Big ups to da' Whitey Hizzouse and da' red, white, and blizzu....WORD.

7.12- game night

"that sounds like something you have to be a loser to win"

Daskam expressing anti-starwars sentiments right before I came out of the closet and told him that I single-handedly took on two teams of 4 at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit and won.

Friday, July 07, 2006

7.7- the internet

"Monkey steals the peach"

-a deadly and painful "secret" ninja move from the controversial book "Ninja Mind Control".

Another innovative move from the book is "application of sand to the eyes", which allows you to be "invisible" to your attacker.

But sadly the book does not include the very tricky "application of finger tapping on opposite shoulder than which you stand", which also allows you to be invisible unless you are fighting a very intuitive foe.

click on the picture to read the text, but do not try unless you are a ninja

Thursday, July 06, 2006

7.6- daskam's

"I want to put the "dare" back in dairy"

-Brian looking to add adventure to his morning cereal and wanting to tempt fate by considering ordering "raw" milk, which you have to sign a waiver for in order to receive it.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

7.5- parking lot

"it's a note, and it's in CHINESE!!!!"

-A friend really excited to see the note left on her windshield by our new Saudi Arabian friends who are here at UNT to learn English.

Monday, July 03, 2006

7.4- lobby

"A FREAKIN' POSSUM just fell through the CEILING!!!!!"

-Charnell calling me at 4:30am to "calmly" tell me that a marsupial has just fallen through our ceiling tiles.

A 45 minute chase ensued, turns out possums are faster than one would think.
I then proceeded to slay the possum slowly and stick the bloodied body on a stake outside of the hall as a potent visual reminder to all other possums that this is how we treat unwanted house guests.

Well that is what I would have done if I was man enough, but alas I let it go on a local golf course.

7.3- friend's house

"it's just like "It's a Wonderful Life".... but completely opposite"

-Ben Warren explaining the meaning of Donnie Darko in terms only grandmas and Lewis Carroll can understand.